Expectations and Hope — Rebecca Guerrero

Sep 8

Sep 8 Expectations and Hope

I had the opportunity this weekend to speak at my church’s family camp. Here is a summary of what I shared.

Expectations and Hope

I have come to the realization, after 40 years of life that I don’t really like surprises. I used to think I did. I mean, I was always kind of bummed that no one threw me a surprise party until I was much older. But thinking back on it, I now understand why that was never on my parents’ agenda.

When I was a little kid I was totally into the space program. I had Astronaut Barbie, a sweet space shuttle LEGO set, and if you asked me on the right day I would have told you I wanted to be an astronaut when I grew up. But on the morning of October 3, 1988, when I woke up to my parents scrambling around the house gathering supplies for what looked like an unplanned camping trip, on a school day, I panicked. I burst into tears and demanded to know what was going on. My parents smiled and begrudgingly blew the surprise that we were headed out to watch the Discovery land on its “return to flight mission,” the very first flight after the Challenger disaster. Once I knew where we were going the fear I felt because my expectations of the morning had been challenged, faded away. While expectations are a pretty normal part of this human existence, when we put our trust in what we expect we often run into disappointment, discouragement and disillusionment.

Fortunately we are not alone with running aground with our expectations. Many heroes of the faith in Scripture found themselves disappointed, discouraged and disillusioned when their expectations weren’t met. And while many of us have expectations about an endless list of things, we are going to look at some pitfalls and practical solutions when we have expectations in four big overarching categories. We are going to look this evening at the challenges of having expectations of others, expectations of the future, expectations of ourselves and expectations of God.

Expectations of Others

In Luke 2:41 and following we are given the only account of Jesus as a boy. The passage there reads,

“Now Jesus’ parents went to Jerusalem every year for the feast of the Passover. 42 When he was twelve years old, they went up according to custom. 43 But when the feast was over, as they were returning home, the boy Jesus stayed behind in Jerusalem. His parents did not know it, 44 but (because they assumed that he was in their group of travelers) they went a day’s journey. Then they began to look for him among their relatives and acquaintances. 45 When they did not find him, they returned to Jerusalem to look for him. 46 After three days they found him in the temple courts, sitting among the teachers, listening to them and asking them questions. 47 And all who heard Jesus were astonished at his understanding and his answers. 48 When his parents saw him, they were overwhelmed. His mother said to him, “Child, why have you treated us like this? Look, your father and I have been looking for you anxiously.” 49 But he replied, “Why were you looking for me? Didn’t you know that I must be in my Father’s house?” (NET Bible® copyright ©1996-2006 by Biblical Studies Press, L.L.C. http://netbible.com All rights reserved.)

So Joseph and Mary have some pretty clear assumptions or expectations of their son Jesus. They expect that when their little trip in Jerusalem was over, that he would go home with them. And then they assume as they set off that Jesus, who was at an age where he could have been with his mom and the other kids, or with his dad and the men, was with the other parent. When they stop for the night and realize that’s not the case, they rush back to Jerusalem and search for three days for Jesus. So I’m sure there might have been some pretty tense parental looks, you know that famous mom and dad glare, as they approached Him in the temple. And though they were likely more than a little relieved to find their son, Mary and Joseph are clearly frustrated because their expectations were not met.

So what can we learn here from Mary and Joseph in regards to our expectations of others? I mean the easy answer is to not have any expectations, but that doesn’t seem very realistic so I suggest we work on managing our expectations by:

Deciding what expectations actually matter.
Clearly communicating our expectations on the things that do matter.
Working on developing a lot of grace when someone lets us down, or when we have hurt someone because we let them down.

First, you can’t die on every hill. Some of us have opinions on everything, and on how everything should be done. But ultimately, those expectations are often more personal opinion and preference. So while there clearly is a correct direction to install the toilet paper roll, it’s probably not worth getting too worked up over. I often tell my kiddos, if it’s not gonna matter in 5 years, you get to be upset about it no longer than 5 minutes.

Next we need to communicate our expectations on the things that actually and truly matter to us. So take a moment and think about your last disagreement with your friend, your mom and dad, your brother or sister or your spouse. At the center of that disagreement, there’s a good chance there was uncommunicated expectations. We need to allow folks the opportunity to meet our expectations by simply telling them, beforehand, what we expect!

Finally, on the opposite side of things, we need to own it when we let folks down. Often when people come to us hurt because their expectations were not met, we are defensive. But if we can embrace the fact that their hurt feelings are not a critique on us, but are often more about their own internal struggles, it should make it easier to simply be sympathetic, supportive and apologetic.

One more thought on expectations of others. I have heard folks say that the easiest way to avoid disappointment is to have no expectations of others. While it seems like a simple solution I don’t know how realistic it is, and I worry it leads us on a slippery slope to instead expect the worst. At the very least, if we can have some well managed expectations, we can have hope that people will grow and change, hope that people will help when we need it and hope that they will do as promised. Without any expectations we could easily find ourselves expecting people to never change, never asking for help because we assume we won’t get it and expecting everyone to lie when they promise us something. This expectation of failure is not a healthy way to approach the world. So let’s not give up expectations completely, but rather manage our response to unfilled expectations with grace, while communicating our expectations clearly.

Expectations of the Future

The Bible is chock full of folks who have a different expectation of the future than what actually panned out. The disciples were no exception to this. For example, in Mark 10:37 James and John famously go to Jesus and ask,

“Permit one of us to sit at your right hand and the other at your left in your glory.”

Now Jesus is on his way to Jerusalem to die to fulfill his purpose of being the Messiah and redeem all things unto Him. But James and John, and most of the disciples from what we can tell, conjured up a very different version of the future when they heard the word Messiah. For them the future of Israel was a Messianic kingdom, where the occupying Romans had been kicked to the curb and a new kingdom had been set up for the Israelites harkening back to the day of David.

It’s not like the disciples were wrong, at least not completely. They knew the promises laid out in Scripture, they had studied them since they were boys. But I think what they got tripped up on was the how: the process of how God was going to fulfill those promises.

And I think we often run into the same challenges. I think we often get a strong sense of the goal or direction God wants us to move in, but our disillusionment, our frustration, comes when the path to get there is full of twists and turns and switchbacks we weren’t expecting. So how do we manage these expectations for the future?

First we need to surround ourselves with folks who can remind us of our purpose. Hebrews 3:13 says,

“But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness.” (NET Bible® copyright ©1996-2006 by Biblical Studies Press, L.L.C. http://netbible.com All rights reserved.)

There is much there we could unpack, but the foundational principle of this verse is the need for us to encourage others and be encouraged by others so we can stay on target towards our purpose and calling.

Secondly, to fight our disappointments in our expectations of the future, I think it’s important to remember that sometimes the destination we are called to might not be the actual goal. In my life, I have often found that for God to get me where He wants me, He has to aim me at a target I know and could see, to set me up for the real goal, the target I didn’t even yet know existed. Like when Joseph and Jacob and their family were called to Egypt to avoid the famine. They thought the goal was survival, but God has a whole Exodus plan in the works that was beyond what they could see or imagine.

Expectation of ourselves

Sometimes, the person we have the most unreasonable expectation of, is ourselves.

Jon Acuff is an author and speaker who has found his niche helping folks finish their goals. In his tweets he often talks about his own personal journey to quiet his inner critic and live out his calling. Recently he tweeted:

“Dear fellow perfectionist, what was the earliest time in the morning your inner voice of perfectionism has tried to tell you, “this day is already messed up.” I’ll go first, I’ve felt that at 7am as if ‘I've already lost ground to some perfect day. How about you?”

He followed that up a few days later with this confession, “Sometimes, when I’m stressed out I feel the need to, “Get ahead.” In those moments it’s helpful for me to stop for a second and ask, “Of what?” The answer is often the expectation of others or my own, secret, unreasonable expectations. Chasing either is no fun.”

In Luke 10 we have the popular story of Mary and Martha. Now I have always felt that poor Martha gets a bad rap. Like, I want to sport a “Team Martha” shirt. And recently my love of Martha was reaffirmed when a friend of mine shared on this passage. When Jesus corrects Martha, it's not a rebuke for what she is doing, but the worry she is carrying. The original word in Greek used here when Jesus tells Martha that she is “worried” about many things means to be tangled up or distracted. He doesn't tell Martha that what she is doing is wrong but lets her know she doesn’t need to feel so tied down by her own expectations, or even the expectations for women in her culture. In fact, he’s inviting Martha to untangle herself of those expectations.

Our expectations of ourselves lead to worry because we feel like we are not measuring up.

Maybe because I am a high school teacher, I see this all to often with teens as they approach graduation. If you are a teen or young adult, this message is especially for you. You do not need to have all the answers and have the rest of your life figured out! There is no perfect major and perfect college that will lead you to the perfect adult life! Yes, you need to have a goal and aim for it, otherwise you will be sitting around waiting to be 100% sure of your next move waiting in a state of analysis paralysis. When you are on the move it’s easier to change directions. “An object in motion stays in motion.” So pick a goal you feel good about, move towards it and if you need to adjust your goal, you will be able to redirect more easily because you are already in motion. Let go of that expectation for yourself that you need to have it all figured out at 17, you don’t need to be tangled by that any more.

And adults, we are just as prone to this as our adolescent counterparts. Where do you find yourself full or worry? Are you tangled up and tripping on your own expectations? Remember, life allows a change of direction whether you are 17, 37, or 57.

Expectations of God

Now we are supposed to have expectations of God in the form of hope. And when I started thinking about expectations and hope I really couldn’t tell you what the difference was. So I looked them up. And the dictionary wasn’t much help because they used the words interchangeably in the definitions!

Then I noticed one little caveat. In ancient times expectations specifically referred to “one's prospects of an inheritance.” So when the prodigal son goes to his father and demands his half of the inheritance, he goes with expectation, a sense of entitlement. And when he returns, empty handed, he does so with zero expectations. Instead, he humbly approaches his father with hope that he can come back as his hired hand. Hope, that because of the kind of parent his father was, there would still be a place for him in the household. See, our hope is in who God is while our expectations and frustrations, are often in what we think God should do.

So if you find yourself in a place where you’re frustrated by God, ask yourself are you expecting something from Him or putting your hope in who He is? When we do, when we put our hope in God, He promises in Isaiah 40:31 that,

“those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”